I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
