3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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