We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
pray to the hookup gods
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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