i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
