idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just high enough for therapy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
