he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
