Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
