please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
