id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
