I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have feelings that need drinking.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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