If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He kissed a someone with a penis
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
