Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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