so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
