when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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