please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
