We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
