I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sobbing to NWA
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