like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
