this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
