You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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