wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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