I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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