Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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