I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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