I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
