I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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