My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
