i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
