Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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