Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
