Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
