He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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