Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
