I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
