who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
