I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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