I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
