What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
