You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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