you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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