What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
