Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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