I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
