I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
