i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
