Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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