You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
