Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
