clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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