super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
