no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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